Birds Flyin’ High, You Know How I Feel

October 2, 2014 / frankiegolightly / Leave a comment

“There are no boundaries among the geese … How can you have boundaries if you fly?”

‘The Once and Future King’ – T H White

I find this transitional time of year a struggle. I’m a sunshine girl, I love the hope in the air of spring and the heat in my bones of summer. I can just about cope with winter once we’re fully in it, with the help of a good coat, beautiful boots and warmed wine. But autumn is my least favourite season. I don’t like to see the leaves die, to feel the sudden chill in the air and see the sky colour seep from blue to grey. The days seem to be shortening at an extraordinarily fast speed this year, perhaps that’s just because I haven’t experienced an autumn for a while. Those occasional mornings when everything comes together and the air is crisp and the orange leaves are highlighted against a bright blue sky can help, but I find this time of year just a little depressing.

Except for the geese. There is something about the geese flying south that always gladdens my heart. As soon as I hear the navigational honk honk honk from above, I always stop to look for that swooping V formation, riding the airwaves to better climes. I like to give them a moment of respect for the extraordinary journey they are undertaking, and acknowledge the timelessness of nature. I’m not quite sure why it’s a sight that fills me with such a sense of poignancy. Possibly it has its roots in reading T. H. White’s ‘The Once And Future King’ as a child, when Wart transformed into various creatures to learn about life. The more obvious assumption is of course simply that I’m yearning for the sense of freedom and adventure they symbolise. Whatever it is, as these geese fly away they lift up my heart.

I’d love to credit this picture, but I don’t know who created it (found in the public domain)

Title taken from the lyrics of ‘Feelin’ Good’ by Anthony Newley & Leslie Bricusse

Thought for the Day

September 22, 2014 / frankiegolightly / Leave a comment

Going Up …

September 16, 2014September 16, 2014 / frankiegolightly / Leave a comment

I’m currently working in London and learned something new today. I tend to take the stairs and so was unaware of Lift Etiquette, which is an Important Thing. Apparently it is very bad form to take the lift for only one floor. You shouldn’t press the button for a floor that gives the current occupiers an extra stop before their destination. Having to hold the doors for someone approaching is not appreciated; that the lifts in this building don’t offer a ‘close doors’ button option is a source of great annoyance.

Hearing this conversation I couldn’t help saying “Do those few seconds make that much difference?” to which the response was “You’re probably one of those happy people, aren’t you?” That made me smile.

There was an element of tongue-in-cheek through this conversation but it speaks to something deeper because the irritation felt when Lift Etiquette (or driving/ shopping/noise/neighbour etiquette – insert your poison of choice) is ignored is very real. After just a few days here I can already feel the pull of that mentality, where day-to-day seemingly petty issues become a big deal. I understand, I lived the life of the daily commuter for many years and know how important it is to be standing at just the right spot on the platform. I really am not trying to belittle it, but surely there has to be more to life than this? Perhaps that is the point: when we feel our lives aren’t all they should be, it’s easy to lose perspective and get overly frustrated when even the small things don’t go according to plan. Our larger dissatisfaction is channelled into what we feel we should be able to control.

Whatever it is, I thought then and still think so now, that the monotony of the daily grind would be brightened immeasurably if we tried to keep some perspective and took a moment to remember we are all human beings. It can be easy to forget. I once said something similar to a gent in a suit huffing and puffing behind me in the ticket queue because the person in front of us wasn’t moving quickly enough. He looked quite taken aback, genuinely surprised at the idea.

I don’t remember who said it but ‘kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.’ I can’t think of anything that doesn’t improve with a drop of it, perhaps it’s time to start a kindness revolution? That way, there would be no need for Lift Etiquette.

Photo from the film ‘Up’ found in the public domain

The New Sexy – part 2

August 31, 2014 / frankiegolightly / Leave a comment

Following on from my last post, I thought I’d share this passage from the brilliantly warm and touching ‘Love Walked In’ by Marisa de los Santos. Reading it recently made me think about connection: how a sense of connection between each other relies on our willingness to be true and honest and open, and how this is also the foundation of authenticity. Even about the broken places; in fact especially about the broken places. So, in case you need more encouragement, here it is:

‘But I thought I’d figured it out, why our sex life wasn’t more spectacular; or to be specific, was several worlds away from spectacular. For all our talk, all our exchanges, we never handed over anything of real importance. We were all laughter and lightness and glow. We liked each other till the cows came home, but I never saw his broken places, nothing soft or stinging or half healed-over. He’d never seen mine, either. And I decided that truly stellar sex wasn’t possible without that kind of knowledge.’

Authenticity makes sex better, too – a little added incentive!

The New Sexy

August 26, 2014 / frankiegolightly / Leave a comment

“I think the quality of sexiness comes from within …

and it really doesn’t have much to do with breasts or thighs

or the pout of your lips.”

~ Sophia Loren

There is nothing sexier than someone happy in their own skin. Walking into a party our first glance may be caught by the exposed flesh of the barely clothed, but it tends to moves on, drawn to something deeper. That intangible inner glow some people exude, people who are completely at ease with themselves. Authenticity makes you stand out from the crowd, without needing to shout about it.

In our secret hearts we all desire to be confident enough to be ourselves, and accepted for who we truly are. We’re attracted to people who embody that, who radiate an energy that draws and inspires us.

What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion for yourself

and for those around you. That kind of beauty

enflames the heart and enchants the soul.

~ Lupita Nyongo

Needy is not sexy. Insecurity not sexy. Trying too hard is deeply unsexy. Authenticity is powerful. Authenticity is appealing. Authenticity allows for genuine connection and there is nothing more attractive than that. When we’re comfortable enough with ourselves to drop the pretence and be really seen in all of our messy, authentic glory, we allow others to do the same. What is sexier than that?

“Sex appeal is something that you feel deep down inside …

There is more to sex appeal than just measurements.”

~ Audrey Hepburn

Rest In Peace, Robin Williams

August 17, 2014 / frankiegolightly / Leave a comment

(Apologies – had a few technical hitches at this end meaning delay in postings).

Such sad news today. The tributes pouring in speak of not just an extraordinary talent and comic genius, but a huge hearted, kind and compassionate human being. With more than 100 credits over five decades, we will all have our favourite films and quotes. Here is one of mine:

Thought for Today

July 19, 2014 / frankiegolightly / Leave a comment

Becoming Real

June 29, 2014 / frankiegolightly / Leave a comment

I just adore the book ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’ written by Margery Williams (thanks, Mops!). First published in 1922 it has remained in print to inspire millions with the story of the power of imagination and how the Velveteen Rabbit becomes real.

As I’m already almost half way through my ‘year of living authentically’ I thought I’d share my favourite passage as it was part of my original inspiration to do this. It’s timeless, elegant and clever, and I defy anyone to read it and not feel their heart warmed at least a little:

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

“I suppose you are Real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

“The Boy’s Uncle made me Real,” he said. “That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can’t become unreal again.”

How perfectly poignant is that? Children’s literature can be so wise and inspirational (you can hardly turn a page in Winnie-the-Pooh without a life lesson). However deeply hidden under our protective layers it may be we all have the desire to be accepted for who we truly are, for our real selves to be loved, even – or especially – if that’s a little shabby. Being Real isn’t about being perfect. I don’t know about you, but I love my teddy bear even more now that his nose is coming unstitched and his belly is threadbare.

This Is Me … Today

June 21, 2014 / frankiegolightly

Today my authentic self is Grumpy Old Woman. As I write this I’m coming to the end of a seven hour coach journey and am heartily feeling what many of us already appreciate: public transport was more bearable before the advent of mobile phones.

For the majority of this trek across England a man has been talking loudly into his phone, testing the patience of his fellow travellers. I’m not sure why these disembodied conversations are more aurally invasive than two people actually on the coach chatting, but for some reason they are. At first we’re understanding – maybe it’s just a quick chat, or he’s calling because of an emergency, or to finalise travel arrangements? He’s talking in a foreign language and I have no idea what he is saying but as time rolls on the tone doesn’t suggest a problem, and organising a Royal Wedding would probably involve less talk.

Of course, in that typically English way, I’d rather sit in my seat muttering to myself about the invasion to my reading/sleeping/personal space than risk confrontation, I’d hate to be considered rude by saying something, after all! As would the other passengers who, judging by the rolling of eyes, loud sighs and challengingly lowered kindles and books are as irritated as me.

Then the inevitable happens: those other previously considerate souls start using their phones, too. After all, why should they refrain when he is doing it? A micro-cosmic example of what happens in wider society, the ripple effect. The peace of the journey further diminishes.

Surely having an awareness of the impact of our behaviour on others is A Good Thing? Does wishing for a little respect and consideration make me a grumpy old woman? Yes, dear readers, I’m afraid it’s true: there comes a time in all our lives when we hear ourselves saying things our mothers would say. You may believe it will never happen to you, we all think that. But it will, sure as eggs is eggs. So in the spirit of authenticity, I admit to my inner grumpiness.

I continue to sit quietly in my seat, willing my brain to develop the laser-like ability to combust his phone with a single thought. He need never know it’s me! I’m only slightly concerned that if I had such a superhero/mutant style power, this is the use to which I would put it.